Saddam-I-am

Oh I see how it is. Whipping out your hot new cell phone cam and filming the executions of 'brutal dictators' is all fun and games until some big whigs start getting pissed:

British Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott said those who leaked the footage should be condemned.

"I think the manner was quite deplorable really. I don't think one can endorse in any way that, whatever your views about capital punishment," Prescott said in an interview with British Broadcasting Corp. radio.

"Frankly, to get the kind of recorded messages coming out is totally unacceptable and I think whoever is involved and responsible for it should be ashamed of themselves."

The Holy See's daily, L'Osservatore Romano, lamented that "making a spectacle" of the execution had turned capital punishment into "an expression of political hubris."

The execution "represented, for the ways in which it happened and for the media attention it received, another example of the violation of the most basic rights of man," L'Osservatore wrote.

Where, you might ask, does Early Mike stand on all of this? Well right now, I stand in my apartment in my boxers eating a bag of cheetos watching Regis and Kelly. But in my never ending quest to provide some perspective on this matter, I've altered one of my favorite pieces of poetry to help everyone cope in the aftermath. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

SADDAM-I-AM

I am Saddam!
I am Saddam!
Saddam-I-am!

That Saddam-I-am!
That Saddam-I-am!
I do not like
that Saddam-I-am!

Do you like those cell phone cams?

I do not like them,
Saddam-I-am.
I do not like those
cell phone cams.

would you like them
here or there?

I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like
them anywhere.
I do not like
cell phone cams
I do not like them
Saddam-I-am.

Would you like them in a noose?
Would you like them with a moose?

I do not like them in a noose.
I do not like them with a moose.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like cell phone cams.
I do not like them, Saddam-I-am.

Would you like them
in a box?
Would you like them
with a fox?

Not in a box.
Not with a fox.
Not in a noose.
Not with a moose.
I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like
them anywhere.
I would not like
those cell phone cams.
I do not like them
Saddam-I-Am.

Would you? Could you?
In a car?
Use them! For polital gain!
Here they are.

I would not,
could not,
in a car.

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
hanging from a tree!

I would not, could not from a tree
Not in a car! You let me be.

I do not like them in a box
I do not like them with a fox
I do not like them in a noose
I do not like them with a moose
I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like cell phone cams.
I do not like them, Saddam-I-Am.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you,
on a train?

Not on a train! Hanging from a tree!
Not in a car! Saddam! Let me be!

I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not use them in my noose.
I will not use them with a moose.
I will not use them here or there.
I will not use them anywhere.
I do not use cell phone cams.
I do not like them, Saddam-I-am.

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you , in the dark?

I would not, could not,
in the dark!
My night mode setting,
doesn’t work!

Would you, could you,
in the rain?

I would not, could not,
in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train.
Not in a car. Hanging from a tree.
I do not like them, Saddam, you see.
Not in a noose. Not in a box.
Not with a moose. Not with a fox.
I will not use one here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!

You do not like
cell phone cams?

I do not
like them,
Saddam-I-am.

Could you, would you,
with a goat?

I would not,
could not,
with a goat!

Would you, could you,
on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not use one in the rain.
I will not use one on a train.
Not in the dark! Hanging from a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I will not use one in a noose.
I do not like them with a moose.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
cell phone cams!

I do not like them
Saddam-I-am!

You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! During executions!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Saddam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I like these cell phone cams!
I do! I like them, Saddam-I-am!
And I would use them in a boat.
And I would use them with a goat...

And I would use them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. Hanging from a tree.
They are so good, so good you see!

So I will use them in a box
And I will use them with a fox.
And I will use them in a noose.
And I will use them with a moose.
And I will use them here and there
Say! I will use them ANYWHERE!

I do so like
cell phone cams!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Saddam-I-am!